Dear Future Wife,
So I just had epiphany; so till now I never realized what a great man my dad was, I mean literally. I know everyone says that but hear me out.
I remember in 1994 when my mom had just given birth and my dad offered to sleep with the kid so my mom could rest, so he and my little sister slept in the spare room, while my mom had their room to herself. Did I tell you my dad would come home from work and head to the kitchen to pound yam? He would leave for work by 7am, drop us at school, head to the office and still come back home by 6pm to pound yam for his wife. He could have had any of us pound the yam but no, he wanted to do it himself. Believe me, it was like seeing a leprechun or unicorn for us, because my siblings and I would stand around the kitchen door watching him do kitchen work with huge smiles on our faces. I remember the one time he made us lunch because my mom had gone to a meeting, it was not the bestest but I loved it because my dad made it.
My dad spoilt us silly, we literally got everything we wanted, don’t get me wrong, he always made sure we worked hard for whatever we wanted but my dad was not a disciplinarian, he was a motivator. My dad craved education but the civil war put paid to his ambition, so he made sure we had quality education and everything else he craved as a kid. I remember going Christmas shopping with my dad at Lenards and later Bata, we always looked forward to those moments. It wasn’t always about getting new shoes but also having to spend more than a couple of hours with our father and he never complained.
So in 2001 when he died in a car accident, it rocked us to our roots; it was only then I began to see the harsh reality my dad’s imposing figure had been shielding us from. Learning to live without my dad was like learning to walk all over again. You see where others feared and respected their dads, I admired and respected mine. There wasn’t any real fear, just the fear of doing or saying the wrong thing. He was more like an older friend or brother, who you were afraid to disappoint. That was my greatest fear; to disappoint my dad, which I did successfully in 2000 when I repeated a class, the look he gave me when he saw my result still haunts me, I can still hear the pain in his voice when he said, “You repeated a class!” My dad always encouraged us to talk to him about anything. My dad used to perform magic tricks for us, I just remembered that!
My dad was hands on with my mom and his children. When my mom used to rear poultry, my dad was her delivery boy and I never once heard him complain. He would come home some evenings and line us up and cleaned the wounds we must have gotten playing in the yard.
Why am I droning on about my dad, a man you will never meet? Well I am just stating my stronger points, I am a work in progress but I have had a good role model, if I can be half the husband my dad was to my mom and father he was to us, then definitely we would be fine.
I will rub your feet when you get home from work at the end of the day, I will listen to you talk about how your day went, even though I am bored out of my mind and all I want to do is sleep. I will appreciate every moment I get with you because those are what counts in the long run; what keeps the relationship grinding even in hard times.
And when you have little me’s and you’s, I would do my best to ensure that I play an active part in raising them and when you do decide you need a rest, don’t worry, I will keep up after you; don’t fret, I got this, I have had years of practise.
I am going to be your friend your mentor, your motivator, your champion and above all your husband; in every sense of the word.
I do not know where you are, I look for you in the many faces I pass by everyday in hope I find you therein and all I see are eyes that lie and smiles that deceive but I know you are out there somewhere and I am going to find you.
I cannot wait to start a life with you, make a home with you, I recognize that life is not a bed of roses but I will do my best to give you the semblance that it is. And even if you get roses, I will pick off the thorns.
I promise to be by your side till we are 92, watching and replaying the memories we have created, while our accomplishments grow all around us.
So where ever you are, come out, break up with that guy already and come start a new chapter in what I suppose has been an amazing life and even it hasn’t, we are about to glam it up, because I put the U in fun.
Your Future Husband