a nice guy

a nice guy

In deciding to write this I had to find out why women picked the supposed James Bond persona ‘Bad boy’ over the Steve Carrell ‘good guy’
In 1948 the legendary baseball manager Leo Durocher declared ‘nice guys finish last’ and that phrase has stuck since then.
A ‘bad boy’ is the guy that knows exactly what to say, how to act and how to manipulate women into giving him what he wants; which most of the time is sexual conquest.
A quote in the Counseling Center for Human Development website at the University of South Florida said: ‘The nice guy is the person who you trust and feel comfortable with, but don’t see as ‘fun’ or ‘challenging’ or really all that ‘interesting’ other than as a friend, of course’. Any self-proclaimed ‘nice guy’ must be very familiar with aforementioned scenario, I am.
I am a nice guy or maybe I think I am.
In the Bond movie ‘Casino Royale’ Solange asked Bond, ‘Why can’t nice guys be more like you?’ and Bond in his particular brand of suaveness replied; ‘Then they’d be bad’
Like I said I am a self-proclaimed nice guy and my failure in relationships led me into this research and my findings are quite startling and unfortunately true.

If you’re a ‘nice guy’ this is why you come last/ will come last:

LOW SELF ESTEEM: yes it’s difficult to admit but nice guys tend to have low esteem and when they happen upon a woman who may care for them, they think themselves not worthy of her and fail to do many things which he ought to do. They keep thinking in their mind ‘she gon leave for someone better’ instead of making themselves better and women being intuitive sense this low self esteem and hate it in a man. Some will take advantage of that and turn you to a faithful servant.

TIMID: women love a man that is in control, a man that can take charge of a situation. Ever wonder why women like romance novels? A woman wants a man that would be her Knight in shining armor’. But nice guys are most of the time too timid and tend to cower at the slightest confrontation.
Haven’t you wondered how James Bond manages to get all those ladies? James Bond is your original bad boy. He takes charge and never backs down from a challenge. In dealing with women, he most times comes off as being downright abrasive! When he wants a woman he comes on strong.
Timidity is not a trait women look for in a man, it not attractive. Heroes are not timid.

BORING AND PREDICTABLE: most nice guys tend to be very predictable which is boring. Women want to be swept off their feet, big romantic gestures ain’t really the strong suit for ‘nice guys’. Women love challenges, it’s their nature. Maybe it is that nurturing spirit in them. Most women want men they can fix, men who would be a finished product of their hands. Not a guy who pretty much is done. Women love to be surprised, wooed, serenaded and what not, but good guys are so afraid of losing out they are content to just be the way they are. When a woman knows your predictable she will keep doing certain things, she knows will tick you off cos she knows its outcome.

AVOIDING CONFLICTS: ‘nice guys’ are classic conflict dodgers, at the sight of conflict they run for cover. They are pushovers; nice guys. Eager to avoid conflict cos they fear to offend their partner. So most times when a woman looks at you for an opinion, all she gets is her own. Fights are good for a relationship, if not for anything, the make-up sex. Fights puts the spunk in a relationship, it keeps it alive. FYI a healthy amount of fight and I don’t mean ‘bust your head’ kind of fight oh! I know a girl who broke up with her boyfriend because they didn’t fight anymore. Don’t pull a ‘Samuel Peter’ be up for any conflict it’s in conflicts that you get to know yourselves, the hidden parts that is, cowering is for cowards.

PLACING WOMEN ON A PEDESTALS: we are hopeless romantics, some of us are and we tend to believe in ‘ever afters’ and ‘forever’ and in doing so we create an idea of a woman for ourselves. The problem of placing women on a pedestal is that they human and flawed and when they do digress from our self-composed image of them, we are heart broken! Leave the pedestal, manage the ground she is standing on. She will climb up the pedestal if she wants to or maybe she is just content been at your side.

LIVING FOR SOMEONE ELSE: this I one I am particularly guilty of. I once remember thinking to myself, ‘I don’t care that she doesn’t love me like I do her, I can love enough for both of us’. In the words of Chief Zebrudaya; ‘Hoosai!!!’
The problem with that, is that it is too tiring for the nice guy and in the end you end up blaming the woman for not loving you in return. A relationship is a give and give thing. It is about reciprocation. You give love to receive love.
When you go to an ATM and slot your card, what you expect is money, you don’t slot your card and get paper and tell the ATM, ‘I will love enough for both of us!’ F**k that!
Relationship is not a one sided thing and if you find yourself in one vamoose sucker!

YOU ARE NEEDY: nice guys tend to be clingy, calling at all hours of the day, sending text messages every time he gets a chance; which is nice. But you have to draw the line between Lover and Stalker! You have gotten her, there is no need to push her into stalker hell because you emotionally needy. Occasional calls and text messages at certain windows will suffice, a text every second is not romantic but annoying. What are you MTN?

I read somewhere that ‘Bad guys do what good guys dream of’ which is true to an extent. I love everything a bad boy represent, except the philandering. Call me traditional or stupid but I believe in the one woman man principle. It is less stressful and very manageable. I don’t have the emotional strength to juggle relationships, but if you can, I envy you.
For all nice guys out there, try to find a balance between your inner bad guy. Everybody has one. Bad guys ain’t really the best guys, but they present a better challenge to women. Know when to be nice and when to be a total douce bag.
When you see a woman walk up to her and bring out your inner James Bond, what’s the worst that could happen? A no?, ‘No’ never killed anybody and if you are afraid of a NO then you ain’t ready my friend. When in a situation think,’what would Bond do?’
Remember bad guys are burned good guys. They are a product of failed relationships. You think I am lying? Go watch ‘James Bond, On Her Majesty Secret Service’

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.



  1. U really’re a great writer and really did a great job here.
    I dnt like any1 but me being in control though. Even letting go of d TV remote-control is diff for me but, that doesn’t mean I like a guy I’d mother.
    I like confidence in a guy above all cos, stroking ego’s not my thing. I love control but my kinda guy should av confidence in the knowledge that am human and can b vulnerable somedays 2.

  2. An awesome article that really evokes empathy for overly good guys.
    But, what about guys that strike a healthy balance between the two?
    bearing in mind ‘moderation in everything’ and what not…

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