The single guy diary: Farmers and friend zone

Some time ago I wrote about the friend zone; you know that place ladies send guys who they want in their lives but as a friend and nothing else, just friends, no benefits, just an occasional hang out and the torture of hearing her guy problems. Yep, that place is called the friend zone. That’s when that girl you like starts referring to you as ‘bro’ ‘dude’ ‘brother’. Yep. Anyway go look for it, it is titled ‘the lord of the friend zone’


But I bet a lot you didn’t know that in relationships there is something called ‘farming’, okay I am about to have my Edward Snowden moment here ladies, this is a secret lots of guys don’t want in the open. In fact the truth is some guys are so into this they don’t even know they do it. I am sorry guys but I gotta spill.
In secondary school Agriculture, we were apportioned a piece of land and had to plant and maintain some crops, which required the planting of seed, weeding and occasional watering, while we waited for the germination of the seed. We called that piece of land our farms and the seeds our plants.
Ladies have you ever being in a relationship with a guy and you don’t remember how, but you drifted apart and after months/years he calls you up outta the blues ‘just to say hi’, soon the calls are coming thick and fast but always at intervals never at a stretch. The memories keep flooding back, he wants to see you but something is keeping him or you. Y’all talk about the past, the sex and seriously you want it all back. This goes on for weeks/months/years and then you decide to meet but it never seems to be the right time and finally y’all meet.


The sex is great, better than you remember; everything looks like it will be back to normal. Then you go back and the phone calls stop or do not come as frequent, he starts to drift again and leaves you wondering what happened!
Well you have being farmed! Nurtured, groomed and primed for that moment of hot, intense passion and tossed aside like a cob of corn. You have being farmed!
Farming is the male answer to Friend zoning, it men’s way of breaking up with a woman but keeping her close enough for a booty call.

after sex

return to status quo

Farming usually follows three or four basic stages. 1. Ploughing (initiation). 2. Ridging (reminiscing). 3. Watering (sowing the seed/sex talks/miss you/wanna see you). 4. Harvesting (sealing the deed). Depending on his target, the time between every stage differs and it might please you to know that targets are selected based on their vulnerability. That is if the ‘farmer’ knows that you (target) still carry a candle for him/her.


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