No strings that is the lie people tell themselves when they walk into a relationship that benefits both parties strictly sexually; friends with benefits, that is what that is called. The problem with FWB is that at the end of the day someone gets hurt, they might not show it to the other person but they are hurt all the same.
The principle behind FWB is doing something emotive frequently over a considerable period of time without involving any form of emotion which to me is absolutely ridiculous, because at any given time, sex with a person involves some sort of emotion, even in its minutest form.
Imagine working all day at the mechanic’s in a white overall, there is a million to one chances that you get grease on you. Unless you cover your overalls in a plastic suit but emotions aren’t exactly as practical as that.
Repetition breeds familiarity and familiarity more often than not breeds emotions; that is just the law of nature. Without noticing it you begin to get hurt when they do not pick your calls or blow off a booty call. You start to wonder who they are with and what they are doing, why they blew you off; catching feelings.
Imagine this is if you will, a man who patronizes women of the night, has become familiar with a particular prostitute; let us call her Cynthia, in a certain red light district. He usually picks her up on the corner of 5th Avenue, from whence he takes her to the little room he keeps in one of them nondescript hotels in the area. But on this day, Cynthia is not standing there but instead there is Amina. But Amina unlike Cynthia would not have a conversation with him and thinks the hotel is too tacky and leaves immediately after the deed is done, leaving our man to return home early to his snarling wife! Routine ruined!!! Believe me as soon as Amina leaves, his next call would be to Cynthia inquiring why she was not at her post.
Don’t get me wrong oh!!! I am not saying FWB is wrong!! Or equating it to prostitution!! Nope. I just used the above scenario to buttress the fact that familiarity breeds emotions. FWB is an arrangement of convenience with each or both party looking to get a particular something out of it.
Not all FWB arrangements look exactly the way it should. Before I go any further, lemme try to describe how a FWB works. Two neighbors/colleague/absolute strangers decide to have illicit sex without having to label their relationship. They are just two consenting adults who are having sex because having a real relationship is such a hassle. But you notice that in today’s society a lot of relationships are FWB in disguise but they just give the relationship a tag just to feel better about what they are doing.
If your partner only calls/meets you when they need something and disappears almost immediately after, then you need to rethink the tag on that relationship. FWB has been in existence long before someone put a moniker on it, so it is not exactly alien to many people. In fact it has been accepted as a type of relationship.
Here as some basic rules of FWB:
- Do think twice about hooking up with a neighbor.
- Don’t convince yourself the relationship is more serious than it is.
- Proceed with caution if you meet someone new.
- Never encourage friends and family to hang out with your FWB.
- You don’t have to sleep over.
- Don’t get mad if your FWB goes out with someone else.
- Keep it strictly business, going to the movies and hanging out blurs the line.
- Play safe use a condom. You don’t want to be having this conversation:
“Dad/mom, how did I come into the world?”
“Erm, my child, you are a product of one night of fun sex.”
- Mix it up. Have more than one FWB, they do not all have to be sexual though.
- Do not overthink things, it is what it was or else the situation changes, it is just sex.
- Avoid routines; avoid talking every day, avoid seeing each other every day,
- Avoid mushy text messages, it might send the wrong message.
As with life there aren’t exact rules to FWB, these are just guidelines to help you as you transition into it; you make the rest up as you go. But believe me catching feelings is as easy as “I thought of you all last night.” To “I want to be with you forever.”