Shoot Your Shot

In days past it used to be that if you wanted to talk to a girl, you sent well crafted letters, sweetened with beautiful lyrics from a handful of songs (R n B), if you wanted to go the extra mile, you spread a little fragrance on the often custom designed writing pads. You know the one, those classy colored papers, with aesthetic designs of different sorts, which had the reader awed even before they had even begun to drink up words; you had probably stayed up all night giving life. Those were the days.

Then after you would have to “stalk” the girl, probably wait till after school, church and try talking to her, spinning yarn after yarn; a residue of what you had heard in songs or seen in a movie, trying to sell yourself to the woman of your interest. This ritual might/would last for days, weeks and month even, till finally the girl gave you her landline number.

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LOL, the apprehension of having to call and having your love interest’s father picking up and having to explain why you wanted to speak to his innocent daughter at 7 PM in the evening. I have to say, you really had to put in work back in the day just to get a girl to notice you.

Recently, on our way to yet another wedding, a friend of mine said something that kind of triggered this text, let me paraphrase. He said that nowadays, real men did not have time for “mix-tapes” (aforementioned ritual), if you see a girl you like release your album instantly. I guess he used these allusions because he is a Disc Jockey. But I saw the sense in what he was saying.

At the turn of 2017, the theme on Twitter was “Shoot your shot”, this encouraged people who had romantic intention towards another to speak up or speak out, as it were. Instead of dying in silent or rutting away in the relationship gutter called “friend zone”, it encouraged everyone, irrespective of gender to let their feelings be known.

The truth is, I have never known rejection of affection to kill anyone, if a person shoots you down, rise up and try again, if you fail, try another person, maybe that one person isn’t who you are meant to be with. There is no use nursing feelings for someone without letting them know, it is like planting a flower and hiding it under the bed, with time it withers and die. If you like a person, walk up to them and say it. I like you; I really, really, really like you. LOL not this way though, they might think you are crazy.

The social media has made everything VERY easy, you can be friends with anyone these days and it (the social media) acts as a bridge and at the same time, a wall, so you can spill the contents of your heart to your own content and even if you were rejected, it would not hurt as much as it would face to face. Just do not come on too strong but do not come on too soft either, believe me at any giving time, a lady has at least five men trying to get her attention, so often times the battle is not often with her but her other admirers, so you have got to outdo them.

Letting someone know you like them is not a gender based, anyone can do it but the onus falls on the man to do it but it does not mean that women should not try too. There are ways a woman can let a man know she has feelings for him without being too forward or actually saying the words. Women are often afraid to tell a guy how she feels in these parts because there is the “risk” of her being thought of as a loose person or taken advantage of. Thus ladies prefer to lock away their feelings than tell a guy that she likes her and have him take advantage of her.

The days of suffering in silence are long gone, if you like someone, tell them you do, it does not make you any less of a person, it takes some level of courage to walk up to a person and say “Hey, how are you doing? Being seeing you around and was wondering if you would like to hang out some time?” This sentence is just as innocuous as possible but laced with enough suggestions, which the person it is being proposed to would read one way or the other.

Like someone told me, when you try to “woo” a person, one of two things will happen, he/she will either say yes or no. There is no maybe. When a person says “maybe”, they are already considering to say YES, so that is a yes.

A couple of years ago, I met a girl via Facebook and we got talking, we would talk about everything but I never told her anything about my feelings towards her, mostly because she was in another state and I hate long distant relationships (story for another day). Then one day, out of the blue, we were talking and she asks, “Hilary, when are you going to chyke me?” LOL, it caught me off guard, needless to say, I threw caution to the wind and chyked the heck out of her.

Shoot your shot, if you miss, reload and try again.

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